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Author Topic: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!  (Read 16443 times)

Offline Penrutet30°

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Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« on: June 25, 2011, 04:11:03 PM »
First off: hopefully this thread will STAY on the topic of Chuck Norris jokes. For those of you who don't know a thing about Chuck Norris Jokes (Which I will abbreviate as C.N.J.), the best places to find out are:

1.) C.N.J. Books: These contain some of the latest and greatest jokes, and will provide (nearly) endless hours of laughing fits. Just be careful to limit how many jokes you read at one sitting. If you don't the results could be fatal. Believe me, I know from personal experience.

2.) The Internet: The WWW provides possibly the BEST collection of C.N.J.s, as the websites dedicated to Chuck Norris are constantly updated. Plus, the jokes submitted by fans themselves are almost always pretty good, and visitors can learn much about the best C.N.J. techniques.

                                                                      **WARNING**
          There is a large amount of Chuck Norris Jokes that are not family appropriate, so always read the entire joke
                                  before reciting/posting, especially if content is a big issue for you.

That said, feel free to post any C.N.J. that you feel is worthy of this thread! All C.N.J.s are accepted, whether they are your own, or ones that you have heard.

To start off, I have a few jokes that I feel are pretty good (Some of you may think otherwise).

#1.) Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding...

#2.) God said, "LET THERE BE LIGHT!", and Chuck Norris said, "Say please."

#3.) There will only be THREE Horsemen of the Apocalypse, because Chuck Norris will walk!
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Offline TUR80

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2011, 04:13:06 PM »

Chuck Norris cheated on his English test..................with a calculator


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Offline BFM_JANE

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2011, 04:20:17 PM »

:neckbeard:  When Penrutet finally makes a post, it's a good one! I love CNJs. This thread will eventually be moved to Forum Games, but we'll see how long it lasts here ;)

(and they moved it before I posted.)

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.



Offline BFM_MiG

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2011, 04:23:01 PM »
(and they moved it before I posted.)
:D

......

Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose.

Chuck Norris can split an atom with a round house kick!

Offline MufnMan

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2011, 05:09:19 PM »


When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet...The water gets Chuck Norris!

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he pushes the world down instead.
54.77    62.93    46.97    77.27    68.80    55.83    99.93    89.77


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Offline Fraggle

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2011, 05:46:33 PM »
Chuck Norris can set ants alight with a magnifying glass.....                                .....At night!

some people wear Superman pyjamas - Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, He holds air hostage

If at first you don't succeed, You're not Chuck Norris
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Offline Jmaster

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2011, 05:54:27 PM »
(and they moved it before I posted.)
:D

......

Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose.

Chuck Norris can split an atom with a round house kick!

lol Mig, im sure most peple here dont know where u heard that... but i do... and im on to u XD

anyway since im posting here, i gotta stay on topic...

Chuck Norris doesnt get frostbite... he bites frost

Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice

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Offline BFM_MiG

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2011, 08:05:00 PM »
When Chuck Norris moves his fists, light wishes it could move faster!

Offline MrMxyzptlk

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2011, 10:03:22 PM »



Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas....




Chuck Norris had a starring contest with the Sun ... and the Sun lost....




When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he first checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


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Offline BFM_Xtr3me

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #9 on: June 25, 2011, 11:04:35 PM »
im bored so im gonna sit here trying to remember all the chuck norris jokes i know :),

Originally, Survivor was a game where people would be placed on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors. And no one has been brave enough to go back to the island to retrieve the footage

On the set of Walker: Texas Ranger, a lamb died. Chuck Norris touch the lamb with his beard and brought it back to life. He then round house kicked it just to prove the testament, the good chuck giv'th and the good chuck tak'th away.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented every single colour of the visible spectrum. Except pink, Tom Cruise invented pink.

If you have $5 and chuck norris has $5, chuck norris has more money than you

Chuck Norris can order a Big Mac at Hungry Jacks and get it

If you spell chuck norris in scrabble, you win. Forever

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and poops gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the Circle of Life.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no ctrl button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control

Chuck Norris's tears cure all disease. Too bad he has never cried

In the back of the guiness world book of records, in fine print, it states that all records are held by Chuck Norris and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you cant see Chuck Norris, you may be seconds away from death.


ok, this is actually true. If you type in 'find Chuck Norris" and press im feeling lucky on google. Google will come up with the result: Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.


now thats how bored i was
























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Offline Lº§tMyMiNÐ

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #10 on: June 26, 2011, 01:44:18 AM »
Hallo, everyone, this is L°§tMyMiNÐ.

And here's my set of entries to this little topic...

Without any further ado:


Lightning never strikes twice because Chuck Norris is always looking for it.

Some people check their closets for the Boogeyman. The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never had a heart attack; his heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

I found this comment offensive. Please read your PMs ~ MiG


Anyway, there's a few more good, clean LOLs to die laughing too.

:siderofl:

Take care, peoples!
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L°§tMyMiNÐ

And remember: fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia, fear of bridges is called Gephyrophobia...

:winkgrin:

And fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
« Last Edit: June 26, 2011, 07:03:59 AM by BFM_MiG »

It speaks for itself...

Offline Jmaster

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #11 on: June 26, 2011, 02:27:55 AM »
Chuck Norris doesnt swim.... water just to be around him

Very Awsome DarkFyr, thanks


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Offline Marty

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #12 on: June 26, 2011, 05:53:06 AM »
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch...he decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
A martial arts expert once told Chuck Norris that there are better ways to kick someone than a roundhouse kick. This is widely regarded as the worst mistake of all time.
Scientists calculate that the energy released in the Big Bang is slightly less than 1CNRHK...One Chuck Norris RoundHouse Kick.
In The Way Of The Dragon Bruce Lee defeats Chuck Norris. This is the most expensive and complicated special effects shot ever.


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Offline gamepanther

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #13 on: June 26, 2011, 07:06:09 AM »
LOL! Nice Google find Xtreme!!!



Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.


No standard web pages containing all your search terms were found.

Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents.

Suggestions:

    * Run, before he finds you
    * Try a different person






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Offline Zeek

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Re: Best Chuck Norris jokes of ALL TIME!
« Reply #14 on: June 26, 2011, 07:25:17 AM »
Some magicians can walk on water...Chuck Norris can swim through land
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