ROFL @ * !
Okay, time for a doozy/loong one!:
"Tony, look at this!" Moose Perkins gestured to a story in the newspaper he'd found on his stool when they'd arrived at the diner.
Tony gave his partner a withering glaze. "I'm trying to drink my coffee."
Moose persisted, saying "You gotta look at it right now," as he slid the newspaper in front of his partner's nose. The two of them were seated at the counter, spinning away the hours trying to come up with another way to scam a living. They were willing to do almost anything, as long as it didn't involve honest work.
Tony knocked the paper away from his face. "Leave me alone, will you? Give me a little peace and quiet so I can think."
"I'm telling you, there's something you should see. Hurry up, I don't want to blow this."
Tony grabbed the paper out of Moose's hand and pointed to the date across the top. "This thing is already a day old. What happened yesterday that I need to know about today?"
"Just read it, will you?" Tony sighed, then read aloud, "'Local Policewoman named Police Officer of the Year.' Why should I care about this lady? We're crooks, remember? Unless they gave this cop a cash award, I'm not interested."
Moose stabbed his finger at the story beside it. "Not that one, this one."
Tony read, "'Big Winner in the PowerBall.' So somebody else made a killing, and all I got for my forty bucks was waste paper. Does that mean you have to rub it in?"
"Keep your voice down. Now look at the woman down the counter reading that newspaper. Doesn't she look familiar?"
Tony looked from the woman to the newspaper photograph and then back again. "I can't believe it. You're right, it's her." The woman signaled the waitress for her check.
Moose whispered urgently, "Let's go after her. We can hold her up and take whatever she's got on her."
Tony put a hand on Moose's shoulder. Softly, he said, "Wait a second, I've got a better idea. Instead of strong-arming her like we usually do, why don't we follow this lady back to her apartment? I wonder how much cash she's got back at her place?"
Moose read from the paper, "It says here she got her first check yesterday, $168,000 a year after taxes. She's going to get that every year for the next twenty years."
"I'm not worried about the future, I want to get my hands on some of the money she's got right now." Tony frowned. "You know, she's not going to be carrying that kind of dough around this neighborhood."
"No, but I guarantee you she's got a chunk of it in cash somewhere close by, I know I would have."
Tony took the last sip from his coffee cup, then slid a quarter under the saucer. "Let's follow her home and see what we can find."
"I'm right behind you."
Tony and Moose walked out into the crisp morning air toward the kiosk where the new millionaire had just finished reading a section of the newspaper she'd bought. After folding it under her arm, the woman smiled smugly, then started walking down the street. She was so preoccupied with what she'd seen in the paper that she didn't even notice the two men following her.
As she ducked into a small apartment building nearby, Moose said, "Geez, I wonder how long she's going to hang around this neighborhood now that she's loaded?"
"That's why we have to get her now. I'll bet she'll be gone in a week, and we'll lose our chance at all that money."
Tony gave the woman a second to get inside, then slipped in the door behind her.
Inside the vestibule, he held a hand up to Moose, then whispered, "Stay here. I'll be right back."
Moose stood just inside the doorway and waited for his partner to return. Thirty seconds later, Tony came back.
He said, "We're in luck, she lives on the first floor. I saw the apartment she went into. We've got her cold, Moose. Come on, let's go."
As they stood outside the door to 1C, Moose said, "What are we going to do, force our way inside?" The big man studied the jamb for a second, then said, "I bet I could kick the door in."
"I've got a better idea that won't attract so much attention. We're going to do this with finesse. You watch the door, I'll be right back. I saw a vendor across the street."
Two minutes later, Tony walked back into the building carrying a large bouquet of flowers in his arms.
"What are you doing with those flowers?"
"Just watch a master at work. When I make my move, I want you to stand to one side, then follow me in once my foot's in the door."
Moose reluctantly agreed, stepping out of the way so he was out of sight.
Tony rang the doorbell as he held the bouquet up in front of the peephole.
From inside, a woman's voice called out, "Yes, who is it?"
"Hurley's Florist, Ma'am. Delivery for you."
"I didn't order any flowers."
"Listen, you want the flowers or not? All it says here is 'Congratulations.'"
"How nice. I'll be right out."
Tony tensed in the hallway waiting for the door to open. When he heard the chain slip away from the lock and saw the door open, he jammed his gun into the doorway and said, "Step away from the door, Lady. This is a hold-up." Moose was one step behind him.
As Tony followed his gun inside, he found the woman pointing a shotgun at his chest. She had the angle on them both. Tony saw that they didn't have a chance.
She commanded, "Drop your guns."
Both men did as they were told.
How did the woman know?
Rating: V-hard!
Hint if you REALLY have to go there...:
Right after the men did as told, the woman smiled broadly and said "That explains why you two followed me home. I knew you were both up to no good. I guess you didn't read the afternoon edition of the paper, did you?"
Fin
